My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
