you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
