Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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