Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Randomize
