Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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