THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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