hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
