I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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