Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
