I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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