Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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