there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
