YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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