May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
