My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
