Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
