I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
