some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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