somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
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you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
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You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize