was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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