Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
