It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
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At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We left the knife in your bed.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
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It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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