after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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