Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I think im going to throw up on grandma
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
