I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
