Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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