I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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