Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
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dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
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What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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