It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
