dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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