so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
This baby is an asshole
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
