coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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