went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
she told me i tasted like america
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
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You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
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I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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