I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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