remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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