i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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