Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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