I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
