Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Randomize
