I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
