dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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