I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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