I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
