At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize