Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
