I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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