Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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