i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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