you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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