His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
