Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
