I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
