She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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