if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
