why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
