there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
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Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
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I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?