i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
