How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.