I feel like I'm in dance class right now
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
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