i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
