She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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